Maybe this isn´t the life for me.
Maybe I should marry and be a dedicated housewife and mother.
Maybe I should become a high class escort.
Maybe I should give my soul to God.
Or to the land. Becca in wellies for the rest of her life? Maybe not.
Maybe I should get a job, and travel the world.
Cause I really don´t know how I´m gonna handle 3 years of this life...
Anybody got any suggestions?
Need sleep, home made food, and lots of silly series before I start revising for the subject from hell, taught by a human form of enciclopedia.
Will I survive?
January 20, 2010
January 08, 2010
Lies
Nunca acreditem quando as pessoas vos dizem que ser estudante é brutal...ou essas pessoas passaram os seus anos de estudante bêbados, ou então eram sobre dotados.
Porque, depois de dois exames estou de rastos, e só me quero fastforwardar para passar esta fase horrível.
E, minha gente, ainda tenho mais quatro exames pela frente. Eram só três, mas depois de três dias de estudo, cheguei ao meu exame de Origens, e desisti, porque afinal três dias de estudo não chegavam. Nem de perto nem de longe. Dêem-me o secundário de volta, por favor. Já experimentei, já chega.
Como isto não bastava, alguém teve a gentileza de dizer que eu não escrevia suficientemente bem, relembrando-me que eu estou na Faculdade de LETRAS. Obrigado, muito obrigado. Um nove põe sempre uma pessoa de bom humor. E eu estava tão enganada quando pensava que até nem escrevia mal de todo. Obrigado por me trazer de volta à cruel realidade.
Mais uma para a caixa: deixei cair o meu belíssimo portátil, e metade do meu ecrã foi de ferias. A Becca vai vestir a sua nova camisola, com o decote extremamente revelador, e vai suplicar com a Fnac. Segunda-feira, estejam comigo. Vou precisar de todo o meu charme, e de sorrisos muito sexys. Se me calhar uma mulher, rezo que ela seja lésbica.
Pronto, o meu mundo actual em quatro parágrafos. Não tenho vontade de viver, e, sei que sou uma menina crescida, mas quero tanto a minha mãe.
Porque, depois de dois exames estou de rastos, e só me quero fastforwardar para passar esta fase horrível.
E, minha gente, ainda tenho mais quatro exames pela frente. Eram só três, mas depois de três dias de estudo, cheguei ao meu exame de Origens, e desisti, porque afinal três dias de estudo não chegavam. Nem de perto nem de longe. Dêem-me o secundário de volta, por favor. Já experimentei, já chega.
Como isto não bastava, alguém teve a gentileza de dizer que eu não escrevia suficientemente bem, relembrando-me que eu estou na Faculdade de LETRAS. Obrigado, muito obrigado. Um nove põe sempre uma pessoa de bom humor. E eu estava tão enganada quando pensava que até nem escrevia mal de todo. Obrigado por me trazer de volta à cruel realidade.
Mais uma para a caixa: deixei cair o meu belíssimo portátil, e metade do meu ecrã foi de ferias. A Becca vai vestir a sua nova camisola, com o decote extremamente revelador, e vai suplicar com a Fnac. Segunda-feira, estejam comigo. Vou precisar de todo o meu charme, e de sorrisos muito sexys. Se me calhar uma mulher, rezo que ela seja lésbica.
Pronto, o meu mundo actual em quatro parágrafos. Não tenho vontade de viver, e, sei que sou uma menina crescida, mas quero tanto a minha mãe.
January 03, 2010
2010
Oh, wow! Happy New Year, suckers.
Now, this new years eve party was the party of all parties. Around 9ish on the 31st we still hadn´t come up with any amazing plans for the big entrance, so we started ringing round to check what everyone else was up to. Trance parties by the million, wet garden dos that had to be cancelled last minute, shitty bars with crappy champgne. And where did we end up? At a house party.
A house party in Portugal? Imediate vision of bedrooms, dark corners, "Hi Y´all"´s and drinking kegs of beer upside down. But no, none of that. Tiny rooms, lots of smoke and wierd going ons in the bathroom (that had a massive jacuzzi), and techno music to last you a couple of life times. All in all, a big let down.
But we weren´t gonna feel bad about it, after all we make the party, right? So 3 bottles of white wine, and a pack of cigs and it is the best blooming day of our lives! Fantastic.
Shame it didn´t end so well.
But I think it´s the one and only new year that I realised I didn´t have any resolutions. Because, actually, I´m not that bad off. Or so it seems!
Now, this new years eve party was the party of all parties. Around 9ish on the 31st we still hadn´t come up with any amazing plans for the big entrance, so we started ringing round to check what everyone else was up to. Trance parties by the million, wet garden dos that had to be cancelled last minute, shitty bars with crappy champgne. And where did we end up? At a house party.
A house party in Portugal? Imediate vision of bedrooms, dark corners, "Hi Y´all"´s and drinking kegs of beer upside down. But no, none of that. Tiny rooms, lots of smoke and wierd going ons in the bathroom (that had a massive jacuzzi), and techno music to last you a couple of life times. All in all, a big let down.
But we weren´t gonna feel bad about it, after all we make the party, right? So 3 bottles of white wine, and a pack of cigs and it is the best blooming day of our lives! Fantastic.
Shame it didn´t end so well.
But I think it´s the one and only new year that I realised I didn´t have any resolutions. Because, actually, I´m not that bad off. Or so it seems!
December 28, 2009
December 17, 2009
...And I´m on my knees
Ladies and gentlemen, only one day to go. One day till the end of my first ever semester in university. God, that sounds rich, eh?
And what, in the name of god, have I managed to learn? So, no holidays for me, because I´m a bad girl and don´t have the power to chain myself to my desk each night and review whatever the teachers, (sorry, professors) tried to drum into me that day. Result: 5 exams in the space of 2 weeks in January, and I haven´t even started banging my head repeatedly... Will follow in due course, I forsee!
I have also learned that I´m not as amazingly protected, and ice cold bitchy as I thought. Aka- fell in love and can´t get my head around why he doesn´t want me. Sounds lovely and light, right? Try living with it every day. Not easy, let me tell you that.
Returned almost every night to an empty, dark house and had to cook myself dinner, when what I actually wanted to do was curl up and hear my mum and dad in the kitchen.
Figured out the complex (not) bus system, and can get almost anywhere now. Apart from this week, obviously, due to the strike. So walkies for Becca, every single day. May have lost a lung in the process, and know that I´ve lost all public decency.
Got hooked on Farmville, and now cannot leave the damn game alone.
Well, have half of my world to pack into one small suitcase to take home tomorrow. Hope you are experiencing the same difficulties I am.
Signed:
Heartbroken, insane coffee addict.
And what, in the name of god, have I managed to learn? So, no holidays for me, because I´m a bad girl and don´t have the power to chain myself to my desk each night and review whatever the teachers, (sorry, professors) tried to drum into me that day. Result: 5 exams in the space of 2 weeks in January, and I haven´t even started banging my head repeatedly... Will follow in due course, I forsee!
I have also learned that I´m not as amazingly protected, and ice cold bitchy as I thought. Aka- fell in love and can´t get my head around why he doesn´t want me. Sounds lovely and light, right? Try living with it every day. Not easy, let me tell you that.
Returned almost every night to an empty, dark house and had to cook myself dinner, when what I actually wanted to do was curl up and hear my mum and dad in the kitchen.
Figured out the complex (not) bus system, and can get almost anywhere now. Apart from this week, obviously, due to the strike. So walkies for Becca, every single day. May have lost a lung in the process, and know that I´ve lost all public decency.
Got hooked on Farmville, and now cannot leave the damn game alone.
Well, have half of my world to pack into one small suitcase to take home tomorrow. Hope you are experiencing the same difficulties I am.
Signed:
Heartbroken, insane coffee addict.
November 29, 2009
Forever
She sits with her back against the wall, staring into nothingness. It feels so good to just sit, and stare. Her mind goes blank, and the pain goes away.
Pain is her best friend these days. She wakes up with a hole in her heart, and drags herself around, falling back into bed, falling into a dreamless sleep that is the only thing that keeps her sane. Because every day he gets further and further away. Every day the words exchanged are less. And every day his smile makes her want to cry.
He has no idea. She was so calm when he told her, freakishly calm. She pretended it didn´t matter. And it shouldn´t matter. They hardly knew each other, they were shy around each other. And yet, she misses him. Misses the way he smiled at her, the way he bit his lower lip, and pouted, the way he talked. "Silly girl" she thinks. How could this have happened to her? She´s so strong, so protected. And when she least expected, she fell head first. It wasn´t supposed to be like that. It was suppost to last longer, to feel stronger, to end on her terms. She has been humbled, finally. Finally she has had her heart broken, but now she can´t bear it.
She isn´t as strong as she thought.
Pain is her best friend these days. She wakes up with a hole in her heart, and drags herself around, falling back into bed, falling into a dreamless sleep that is the only thing that keeps her sane. Because every day he gets further and further away. Every day the words exchanged are less. And every day his smile makes her want to cry.
He has no idea. She was so calm when he told her, freakishly calm. She pretended it didn´t matter. And it shouldn´t matter. They hardly knew each other, they were shy around each other. And yet, she misses him. Misses the way he smiled at her, the way he bit his lower lip, and pouted, the way he talked. "Silly girl" she thinks. How could this have happened to her? She´s so strong, so protected. And when she least expected, she fell head first. It wasn´t supposed to be like that. It was suppost to last longer, to feel stronger, to end on her terms. She has been humbled, finally. Finally she has had her heart broken, but now she can´t bear it.
She isn´t as strong as she thought.
November 10, 2009
Once More
Here we go again...Down the slipery slope.
She can see herself slipping, slowly, slowly and then faster, faster, until it´s just a blur! And the smile on her face gets bigger and bigger, the faster she goes.
There´s no stopping her now. No amount of self control can stop her in her tracks. Nobody can make her stop, nobody can talk sense into her silly brain...She wants to slip, tumble, fall through the air, and land in prince charmings arms. Prince charming has no idea, because if he knew, he would jump right back on his horse and gallop off into the sunset alone :)
She won´t say a word, she will just stare adoringly at him, and sigh.
Because life is cruel. Life is so cruel it´s funny.
When she noticed it happenig, she tutted to herself and said "no way, not me". And looking back, she realises just how wrong she was.
All the broken hearts she left behind, and now someone who will do the same to her. She just knows it, feels it in her bones. This is the one that´s gonna knock some sense into her little, small mind. And she prays silently that it won´t be to painful. Because she doesn´t handle pain well, not well at all. That´s why she never lets anyone close enough to hurt her. Because she will break...Crumble into tiny pieces and blow away.
She can see herself slipping, slowly, slowly and then faster, faster, until it´s just a blur! And the smile on her face gets bigger and bigger, the faster she goes.
There´s no stopping her now. No amount of self control can stop her in her tracks. Nobody can make her stop, nobody can talk sense into her silly brain...She wants to slip, tumble, fall through the air, and land in prince charmings arms. Prince charming has no idea, because if he knew, he would jump right back on his horse and gallop off into the sunset alone :)
She won´t say a word, she will just stare adoringly at him, and sigh.
Because life is cruel. Life is so cruel it´s funny.
When she noticed it happenig, she tutted to herself and said "no way, not me". And looking back, she realises just how wrong she was.
All the broken hearts she left behind, and now someone who will do the same to her. She just knows it, feels it in her bones. This is the one that´s gonna knock some sense into her little, small mind. And she prays silently that it won´t be to painful. Because she doesn´t handle pain well, not well at all. That´s why she never lets anyone close enough to hurt her. Because she will break...Crumble into tiny pieces and blow away.
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