Moving in Circles

Something feels strange.
Something feels off.
She just can´t put her finger on it. It´s just not the same anymore.

She feels frustrated, lost in this strange world. She questions her decisions, picks faults in her actions, is never satisfied with what she has.

She wants more, more emotion, more pain, more anger, more happiness, more passion. Just MORE of everything, so that the numbness gets lost in all the other overpowering feelings. God, she feels small, and useless, and insignificant.

She leaves, and returns, and can´t tell the difference. It´s all the same. All the moments blur together, all the words and conversations are just white noise in the background.

She´s afraid this is all there is. That around the next bend is more of this, more normal, more usual.
She´s scared that in 2, 3 years time she won´t be happy with what she choose, what she becomes.

She feels like shouting of rooftops, piercing her body, tattooing herself from head to toe, just to see if it makes a difference, just to see if the pain makes a difference.

She has had enough of american tv, crappy books, boring classes, but can´t find the strength to change, to say no.

It all seems the same. And how sad is that?

Wings of Wind

To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off,
it's the realization I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable,
but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means
the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
it's to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.
To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective,
it's to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and love more

Remember: The time to love is short
------ author unknown

Found It

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Corinthians 13