Something feels strange.
Something feels off.
She just can´t put her finger on it. It´s just not the same anymore.
She feels frustrated, lost in this strange world. She questions her decisions, picks faults in her actions, is never satisfied with what she has.
She wants more, more emotion, more pain, more anger, more happiness, more passion. Just MORE of everything, so that the numbness gets lost in all the other overpowering feelings. God, she feels small, and useless, and insignificant.
She leaves, and returns, and can´t tell the difference. It´s all the same. All the moments blur together, all the words and conversations are just white noise in the background.
She´s afraid this is all there is. That around the next bend is more of this, more normal, more usual.
She´s scared that in 2, 3 years time she won´t be happy with what she choose, what she becomes.
She feels like shouting of rooftops, piercing her body, tattooing herself from head to toe, just to see if it makes a difference, just to see if the pain makes a difference.
She has had enough of american tv, crappy books, boring classes, but can´t find the strength to change, to say no.
It all seems the same. And how sad is that?
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