Home and Away

Soube bem regressar a casa depois deste semestre.
Sabe tão bem acordar com o cheiro a café, trocar conversa de circunstância com o meu pai, confrontar a minha mãe, partilhar o sofá e a manta com as minhas irmãs.

A minha família é tão preciosa, tão necessária...e ao mesmo tempo, tão irritante.
Depois de viver "sozinha" e estabelecer as minhas próprias regras os meus horários, voltar a casa é um bocado duro. Já não estou habituada a ter que esperar, a ter que me sentar à mesa e jantar (embora gosto muito de o fazer), a ter regras, a lavar montanhas de louça, a lidar com a desarrumação constante de todos.
Mas sei que, por mais que me deixem doida, quando voltar para Coimbra, vou sentir falta. Muita falta.
Pondero como será no futuro. Primeiro, ERASMUS - 6 meses sem ver a família. Eu, que volto quase todos os fins-de-semana, que escondo as lágrimas quando entro na sala depois de uma semana dura e vejo todos à minha espera, vou sobreviver 6 meses com mero contacto telefónico?!
E algures no futuro, vou deixar de considerar a casa dos meus pais a minha casa, vou ter casa própria, não vou voltar todos os fins de semana. Vou ligar de vez em quando, e vou passar o Natal, os aniversários e a Páscoa (?).
Assusta. Tanto. Preciso da minha família.
Será que vou deixar de precisar algum dia?
Será que o sentimento desvanece?

Heart of Gold

Nobody said it would be easy...
Finding a balance is never easy.
I give, you give. Maybe you give more sometimes, maybe I give more other times.
On many occasions, finding a middle term is terribly hard. I push, you push. I pull, you pull.
It doesn´t mean I love you any less, it doesn´t mean I appreciate you any less.

We don´t just fall in love, and fall in to perfect synchrony. How perfect would that be? How boring would that become?
We have hard times, we have good times. We have times of peace, we have times of conflict.
But we don´t give up. Something pushes us forward, makes us want to try again, makes us turn over in bed and hug one another, makes us reach out once more.

You´ve touched me, you´ve changed me.
I never want to leave - but I know that day will come. The day when, maybe we give up, or maybe we part as friends, or maybe we just fade away.
Right now, I can´t even think of that day. That day better be far, far away, because I can´t deal with that day just yet.
You are way to precious, way to necessary, way to familiar.

And I am way to scared of being left all alone is this big, big scary world.


I am sure, with all of my soul and my body, that I love you, more than I ever thought possible.
Don´t forget that, ok? I never will.




"Balance is not letting anyone love you less than you love yourself"

You Learn

"After some time you learn the difference, the subtle difference between giving a hand and chaining a soul.

And you learn that to love don't mean to lean on, and that company doesn´t always mean safety.

And you begin to learn that kisses are not contracts and presents are not promises.

And you begin to accept your defeats with your head held high, with an adult's grace and not with a child's sadness.

After some time you learn that the sun burns if you are exposed to it for a long time.

And you learn that it doesn't matter how much you care, some people simply don't care... and you accept that doesn't matter how good a person can be, they will hurt you once in a while and you need to learn to forgive them for that.

And what matters is not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life. You realize that it takes a long time to become the person that you want to be, and that time is short.

You realize that just because somebody doesn't loves you the way that you want, it doesn't mean that somebody don't love you as much as they can, therefore there are people that love us, but they simply don´t know as how to show it or to live it.

You learn that it is not always enough to be forgiven by someone, sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

You learns that it doesn't matter in how many pieces your heart was broken, the world doesn't stop so that you can repair it.

Therefore, plant your garden and decorate your soul, instead of hoping someone will bring you flowers..."

William Shakespeare