Fear and Fascination

I look around, observe everything slowly.
And I´m gripped with a chilling fear. Of God knows what. Of life. Of death. Of losing that precious little moment, because I wasnt paying attention. Of waking up one morning and being lost. So lost.


Being lost frightens me.

Falling frightens me.

Trusting frightens me.
Its like I´m handing myself to someone else, on a platter. Giving them the key. Giving them the power.
Its an impossible thing for me to do. I wish I could do it. I wish I could be that vulnerable. But I´m not. So what now?
I can even discribe it as irritating. Sometimes I want so hard to trust, and I cant.

Someone once asked me why I needed a wall around me. Someone once told me to let go. So easy to say, so hard to do. I might fall so hard, that I will be incapable of getting up again.
But slowly, slowly, everyone leaves their mark on my, and "practice makes perfect". There´s hope that one day, one day I will truly trust.

Until then, I´m my best friend.