When I´m feeling guilty I lose my appetite, I chew my piercings, I go over everything in my head until I´m practically mad.
Today I hurt someone I really care about. And I´m experiencing an overwhelming guilty feeling, so strong that all I want to do is roll around on the floor screaming so loud so that I can´t hear my thoughts. That stray constantly towards how the person is question must be feeling right now.
I hate hurting people, but somewho, I always do. Hence the guilt.
I tell people that its not a good idea to love me, maybe because I don´t think I´m whorthy, but mostly because I will hurt them. They think I´m just being coy, and hard to get. I wish.
All seems well for the first few months, roses and smiles and rainbows. And then I get restless. And start looking for a way out. Commitment frightens me.
I know I have a problem, and I need to sort it out, or I´m going to lead a string of dead end relationships for the rest of my life. Not what I want to do. The thing is that I dont know how to solve it.
I´m searching for the root of this problem, to start there and work my way forward, to fix where it went wrong...
Then again, maybe I´m just over-reacting, and the reason I can´t do relationships is because I haven´t found someone I really want to commit to.
Oh Fuck, Just Get Me Out Of Here
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