Aggravation

I’m searching desperately for something, something I just can’t seem to find. I fly from one thing to another with so much haste, without pausing to think. Settling is one of the hardest things for me to accomplish. Actually, I don’t think I have ever truly managed to settle, even for the shortest time.

And people get hurt, just as I would if they were the same as me. People get hurt because they don’t understand, as much as I try to explain. And it goes wrong.

Eventually.

I might make an effort, a sort of denial of myself for that other person, but in the end, off I go again, searching for something new. And it’s not that I haven’t found the right person, it’s more that I haven’t found me. And I won’t stop until I do.

Maybe its just plain selfishness, and sometimes I lead myself to believe that’s what it is. That I’m just a selfish little kid. But is it? Denial of oneself is not the path to a happy fulfilled life. And I want one of those, bad.

It’s aggravating how it happens all the time, with everything. I just don’t seem to want to settle down. Maybe it’s for the best and I will end up with loads of life experience, and a bitter heart, a wise old woman sitting by herself, trying to pass on her knowledge to any wandering stranger.